when words fail me, which is often, I paint. When words work for me and are available on time, I am surprised.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Dog Tales

Worse than the cat lady is the sad little woman who tells you stories about her pesky little dog; good thing I don't do that, right.
A few months back, Kramer the infamous R.A.T. terrier, began feelin mighty oatey. We were in the office supply store.
Kramer eyes every customer who passes us in the aisles to make sure I am safe; his job 'To protect and to eat'. He spies uniformed, raging hormone man; 'To serve and protect'. Kramer puffs up as he stares the manly man down, then lifts his leg, to let him know who's boss.
I caught him in the nick of time and snatched him into reality, then put him in my car to wait obediently while I finished shopping.
Unbelievable the adolescent hormone thing of the 18 month old un-neutered male dog.
I was shocked by this new indoor behavior, he began lifting his leg in the most inappropriate of places, like my shop.
Yes, he goes to work with me nearly every day. I've taught him a few manners, to stop licking people incessantly and jumping into their laps when they sit in the styling chair.
But now, he seemed to have forgotten a few ground rules- HE LIFTED HIS LITTLE LEG ON ONE OF MY WAITING CUSTOMERS!
Sealed his un-neutered fate that day, I kid you not.
I scheduled him to be fixed. funny term, fixed, altered, neutered, and I told him too.
Tomorrow, you are getting your nuts cut off buddy, this testes thing is over for you.
The surgery went well, two days later he thanked me, really. He said he felt much better now and he didn't feel driven by his raging hormones anymore.
He hasn't lifted his leg inappropriately since.
But this was kind of funny.
Yesterday I took him for his two week follow up at the Vet. . .
We walked through the door.
He looked up at me and asked, "Are they going to sew them back on now"?


Laura said...

Oh, Kramer, you had it coming, I'm sorry to say! Fergus, my neutered old dog, still acts like he's got balls a lot of the time. Dog pee is funny -- as long as you're not the one getting peed on or cleaning it up, right?

Kramer, have your Mom get you some of these: http://www.neuticles.com/ You're welcome! :)

Mama 'N Me said...

Women are encouraged to tell dog stories when the stories are this funny.

Did you tell him no one's that good a seamstress? Once those bad boys are gone, they're really gone.

Thanks for the laugh.

Mercurious said...

Been away for awhile, so I'd forgotten how great some of your pieces are. Good to catch up.

I liked this one, especially. Our pets all talk to us, too; a fact that make our children concerned about their parents mental stability.

Did the customer in question get free services?

TOM said...

Ouch!! He's probably going to be very happy without them,,they lead to all sorts of complications!! I'll keep mine anyway.

Michelle O'Neil said...

On your customer?

Oh no he didn't!

I just read Ceasar Milan's (the dog whisperer) second book, Be the Pack Leader. It was awesome and not just about dogs.

He didn't say anything about cutting the nuts off, but I bet he endorses it.

Winter said...


Stacy said...

Laura, I heard about the neuticles, my husband wants a set so he'll have extras!
Mercurious- I never have to blog again after such kind words from you, thank you
Tom and Michelle- too funny
Winter- I am honored to see you again.Welcome back, missed you.

ds said...

hate to admit it, but dogs are much better without them. ours have always been... I think you said altered. and they were damned good dogs. also been around lots of dogs in unaltered condition. thougher to deal with. odd little mix of things. anyway - later.

thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

Boys are better without 'em, anyway.

rick prose said...

how come when men have their whole reproductive function removed, it's called being "fixed?" is there really so much wrong with the fact that we want to hump everything we come in contact with that's softer than concrete? can we help it? no, we can not.