when words fail me, which is often, I paint. When words work for me and are available on time, I am surprised.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
I am still running from job to job to music lesson to house keeping to painting and working on my abs and trying to keep up with reading cards and novels AND classes just started.
Honestly, I had no idea August was nearing it's end.
See you next month, maybe.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Two days ago, I ran from job to job to appointment to errand and in between my last errand and my violin lesson, I stopped in to say 'see you later' to the boy. He's headed to a certain university in New York city.
Clean shaven, packed and ready, he stands in Maggie's living room. Cicadas' symphony berates my ears, but I hear him say "Everything I need to start my new life, right here."
One large borrowed suitcase, one backpack, one pillow and one sleeping bag.
I didn't have to give the lecture; the drugs, the drinking or the sex lecture, he doesn't seem to need it anymore. Experience shows me, I've lain a strong foundation; it's up to him and god now, and fate, maybe fate too.
I missed the chance to have lunch with him, we were both too busy, so I walked to the fig tree in the garden. The sweet ones were too high for me to reach, but he hardly had to stretch to reach them for me.
They have grown sweet and he,tall.
Ok, he says as he hugs me and kisses the top of my head, I love you.
I love you too, I think, but I cannot speak just yet. I hold on to keep from falling. How did all of those years go by so quickly? My head is spinning, a vortex of pride, anticipation and grief.Yes grief. If only we could do it all over again, this time I would be better.
I hear his voice, before it changed. The way he called my name, Mom. I remember my own feelings of newness and excitement edged in a lining of fear of the unknown and unexpected future when I left home for the first time. He feels them now, but it isn't his first time leaving.
A few years ago, it was Boston, fifteen hours away.
I cried the entire drive home.
"I love you too." I said and turned quickly to my car.I didn't want him to see me cry.
I only cried for a few minutes and said to myself, I think you're getting better at this empty nest thing.
But now as I stand here typing these words on my keyboard with tears rolling down my cheeks and a lump in my throat that often accompanies a good cry, I know I am kidding myself.
Is there any emotion more painful than this love?
Thursday, August 23, 2007
You are The Moon
Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.
The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
I am adding this test to my links- it doesn't take long, it's over there-in all your spare time, I know.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Actually he's wearing clean shorts, his work boots(one pair out of hundreds, maybe), clean tee shirt and he's looking hot.
He has the greatest legs I've ever seen.
-What are you getting ready to do? I ask
-Thought we'd go to the grocery store.
-We? I hate grocery shopping, you know that.
-I don't know. I reply in my worst Jewish flavored whine.
-I'll take you to dinner first, your choice. Come on,it'll be fun.
It's a tough call, but there is nothing to eat in the house and I hate for him to go anywhere without me on a Saturday night, or any night for that matter.
We went to a quiet little Chinese/Japanese place in town. They have the best spring rolls we have ever had, and we've tried a few.
I had Sake, two orders.
Then the torture, the grocery store, but he said it would be fun.
I picked out some lemons and some limes, Tate went to the exotic produce section (imagine that).
Ooh, those are hot, I said in a soft deep voice as I leaned into him by the produce display. They could hurt you, if you let them, I continued. They will make you cry, they will beat you into submission, make you slap someone, yourself even if you don't look out.
He holds his deadpan, pokerface expression as he fills his produce bag, and then turns toward me with a wicked smile.
They make you talk dirty, that's what they do, more habeneros for you.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
If I lived in Varallo, I'd be collecting some euros.
I'm working on having a "smokin hot body" like the 50 something woman on the t.v.testimonial for BoFlex.
I've been doing my little workout to include over 100 crunches per day for the past 27 days. I do them on the floor of our bedroom.
I am actually stating to get some tone in my abs, not quite a six pack, yet.
It's more like a four pack right now.
Tate was so impressed with my 'stick-to-it-ness' (and the possibility of the tight tummy to ensue I suppose)
he bought me a BoFlex.
It is impressive, really, I think.
I know I am going to have that Boflex body some day-
If we ever get the energy to get it out of the boxes and put the contraption together, I'm going to be
Smokin hot I tell you, smokin hot.
This in from Reuters this morning:MILAN (Reuters) - Overweight residents of an Italian town will be paid to lose weight, the mayor said on Monday.
Men living in the northwestern Italian town of Varallo will receive 50 euros ($70) for losing 4 kg (9 pounds) in a month, Mayor Gianluca Buonanno said. Women will get the same amount for shedding 3 kg (7 pounds).
If they can keep the weight off for 5 months, they will get another 200 euros ($280), he told Reuters.
"Lots of people are saying, 'I really need to lose some weight but it's really tough.' So I thought, why don't we go on a group diet?" said Buonanno, who said he was about 6 kg (13 pounds) overweight.
The town of 7,500 people started the campaign on Friday and some residents have already signed up, he said.
Reuters 2007. All Rights Reserved.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Tate does the grocery shopping, bless him.
Last night as he was cooking dinner, bless him again,
after he cut the grass and worked all day in the above 99 degree weather, bless him again
He told me that he saw beautiful roses on sale in the store today.
He thought about buying me a bunch and then imagined how small that bunch would seem compared to how much he loves me.
He said he considered buying every bunch in the room, and there were many, but it still didn't seem as if there would ever be enough roses to convey how much he loves me.
Yes, we have been cross with each other the past few days. We had been mis communicating and he said some harsh words about my recent painting.
His excuses for not buying me roses absolve him from those past few days.
So what if he doesn't understand art, no-one liked Van Gogh when he was living either.
I don't need roses to know how much this man loves me.
I am a very lucky girl.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Spring Grass, acrylic on canvas, Stacy sheer-2007
Mmmmn- acrylic on canvas-Stacy Sheer 2007
-acrylic on canvas, Stacy Sheer 2007.
Monday, August 06, 2007
and puts her long dark hair in a twist upon her head.
Catholic cross;not Celtic, talisman around her neck.
See through flowery blouse, like the one Eunice(the Carol Burnett character) might wear to the mask.
Lipstick, glossy and red
"If you beg the court, they usually reduce your penalty"- her friends tell her.
She believes them.
She is beckoned to appear before his royal Highness
How do you plea? He commands
Quaking in her sandals she replies "Both, guilty and not guilty, your royalness. You see, I was in a hurry and I know I was going too fast, but I do not believe I would have been going that fast. I would be frightened(snicker)".
His smile is an upside down smile, only the curve at the top center of his lips let on, he is amused.
"I do not make the rules of the kingdom, little waif, I only interpret them. You were flying in your chariot and all the fake boobs, slutty makeup, eye battin and talismans in the world aren't gonna change that.
Pay the clerk, full charge.
Friday, August 03, 2007
But it's him and I am unsure whether it is a premonition or a nightmare or an actual dream. What was life like before our little friend Stop-It came along?
This from my surfing today(is it still called surfing?)
The Dreams Foundation in Canada
Catholic Bishop Joseph Lanyl dreamed of the assassination of the arch-duke of Austria, François-Ferdinand de Habsbourg. In vain, he tried to reach the arch-duke to warn him of the assassination which occurred June 28, 1914 in Sarajevo — the event that triggered the first world war.
A few days before his assassination, American President Abraham Lincoln, who was very attentive to his dreams, dreamt of his own corpse laid out in a room in the white house. Martin Luther King also seems to have had a precognitive dream about his death a few months before his assassination.
A day before the Titanic's demise, a woman on the infamous ship dreamt of the horrible event that was to occur the next day. She told her husband, who scoffed at her worries and ignored her pleas. However, the dream so affected her that she secretly prepared herself the night before and had all her children sleep in their warm clothes in order to be ready at a moment's notice. During the night, when the ship struck the iceberg, she and her children managed to escape and be rescued. Her husband, sadly, went down with the ship.