when words fail me, which is often, I paint. When words work for me and are available on time, I am surprised.

Sunday, July 27, 2008


Is it a blog if you only post every few weeks? I don't know but I am taking a few minutes to post a little update and then i will most likely disappear again for some time.
-My headache has finally subsided after one month of falling head first into the cast iron bath tub edge.(my left ear still crackles though)
-Our new dog has stopped acting like a chihuahua in need of a lobotomy, thank god.
-I got another A in my last course, all accelerated online BS courses, every 5 weeks. I thought I would have my degree by Jan/09, only to realize I would not be finished until next June.
-This Spring I have Midwifed three beautiful women while they gave birth to their babies. One of my closest friends was one of those women. Imagine this- at a certain point of her laboring, she returns to the shower. I help her break her water and wait outside the bathroom door for her to say -Something. She does-"Head's out" Entirely cool, she wanted to do as much as possible by herself, and she did . Love it.
-Two Nights ago Michelle O Neil from Full-Soul-Ahead entered my dream with her completed memoir in her hand. This morning as I am reading my textbook on Physiological Psychology, I read the end of the chapter on Autism and Asbergers Syndrome (which Michelle O's daughter has the diagnosis) and the final sentence in the TEXTBOOK, which blows my mind, reads-"By the way, careful studies have found no evidence that Autism is linked to childhood immunization." That's kind of like the "guns don't kill people" slogan isn't it? I wonder where the University researchers get their funding from. Hmmnnn.... I like butterflies.... I believe, clap your hands, WHAT F-ing Bullshit!!!
see, that is why I don't write political blogs, I can't write anything that shouldn't be censored when I get angry, which is too often in that advocacy arena.
I digress
- I am leaving for a week long missionary trip to the Dominican Republic, Friday night. I will be working in a birthing clinic where 15 laboring women labor at once in the same room, on tables with no sheets, covers or sanitary conditions and there are several species of insects all around. Going to be interesting. I am excited. but- before I go, I have 4 days to complete my 10 page term paper, several weeks of homework,as my class ends while I am away and I have to get it in early. I have to get Tate's company bills and ducks in a row which takes an average of 2 workdays per week. Prepare the house and animals and my shop and pack and pay all household bills so the glass menagerie does not crumble without me, as i fear it might.

-And here I am, its 3:20 pm Sunday afternoon. The plan, to write the paper, take the tests, do the homeworks, all today. Begin the company work tomorrow-
Procrastination? What is that?
Think I will go check out what you all are doing.
See you in a few weeks.

Monday, July 14, 2008


A few nights ago. . .
I am sitting at a table with my oldest son, at the age of 16 maybe, before me. I take out a pen and sketch pad and begin to draw a figure of the bad guy. One eye this way, the other upside down strokes. Son is impatient. I tell him I must draw this picture to rid ourselves of him once and forever; be patient.
In the morning I awake and record the image. I then pull a tiny sketch pad from the bath side table, and a fine point Sharpie. I draw him in the same fashion as the dream instructed. Then I begin to aim projectiles at his face, and sketch his Lilly liver, and shrunken head and tears, because he is a very sad and wounded soul, and yes, I hate him. I am tired of him entering my psyche and tormenting me in my nightmares.
But this time it was different. I was in charge, I was creating the drama, not fighting or running or surviving his madness, I was exorcising him, the demon that he is.
After the bath, I doused the little sketch in alcohol and watched his face swell and bloat, and struck a match.... and said a few choice words. . .

Last night, in order to get to my love (who in the physical world sleeps next to me)
I fly
Above fields and people and buildings and hills
I wave my arms as if swimming the breast stroke.
I am in an upright position and I lift up high into the air
saying to myself out loud
I can fly.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Sounds of Now

We have a new dog, he's a rescue.
We have named him Polio, short for Napolean Dynamite. Polio is a Rhodesian Ridgeback, 90 pounds of solid muscle. He was a suburbanite purgatory rescue and he is currently 5 years old. He's used to being on a lead and being locked indoors during the day. A Rhodesian Ridgeback is bred to hunt Lions! The real kind. A regal beast with teeth 2 inches long, he's ferocious looking. But he's an enormous spoiled suburbanite wimp. We brought him here to save him from the county dogwatchers. They threatened to have him put to death for escaping from his chain and chasing the neighbor's un-neutered male dog.

Free, seven acres on a hilltop, surrounded by thousands of acres of woods. No neighbors, neigbor dogs or cats, plain frredom.
Polio cries all day on the doorstep
"I want to come inside! Pleeease! it's hot out here (he's an African breed mind you)
There's big trees out here, and bugs, I want to go to PetSmart -puppy playtime you know, with carpet and toys. . . whaaaa"

Enough, my head can take no more
Still recovering from my concussion. My hematoma somehow became infected. I had to take antibiotics and missed the family reunion. I just got out of bed to work on the books and write my term paper due tonight by midnight.
Shut up Polio, and I mean that in the nicest way.