reminiscing
chubby damp thighs rub together when she walks, belly poking out
sand causes grimaces and snarls
leopard skin swimsuit, black fishnet webbing down the center
sister and cousin, the nemesis team, poke fun at her silly body and expressions
juvenile self loathing
she wanders alone on the shoreline
yearning to be free
after forty plus years
certain moments leave her with an expression of misery
still uncomfortable in her skin
Okay, sometimes it is uncomfortable being in a body and the only relief i find is painting.
Still being beat up by the stars and Mercury but also this; I walked into free exhibition space in a local restaurant. Unlimited in time , window space on the street. I have been working, and framing, and stretching and priming and miss you all but that is where I have to be right now. We'll catch up soon!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
And Then (oh the cost of my self importance)
I got a speeding ticket yesterday.
It was my first one in 12 years.
I used to drive fast all the time, but that was a long time ago.
Really; I lost my "driving privileges" in three states, yes, three.
I was running late to a Sunday appointment.
I was meeting with a new client.
I was going 70 in a 55.
At least that's what the cop said.
I can't believe it.
I think I was only going 65.
He took fifteen minutes to write me the damned ticket, while I waited in my car.
Lights flashing the entire time
In front of god and everybody.
As if I had all day.
Could buzz head not understand!!!
I WAS RUNNING LATE.
It was my first one in 12 years.
I used to drive fast all the time, but that was a long time ago.
Really; I lost my "driving privileges" in three states, yes, three.
I was running late to a Sunday appointment.
I was meeting with a new client.
I was going 70 in a 55.
At least that's what the cop said.
I can't believe it.
I think I was only going 65.
He took fifteen minutes to write me the damned ticket, while I waited in my car.
Lights flashing the entire time
In front of god and everybody.
As if I had all day.
Could buzz head not understand!!!
I WAS RUNNING LATE.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Mercury Retrograde
Due to circumstances beyond our control all communications will be frustrating and screwed up until Monday July 23rd.
Your hour long drive to work will take an hour and forty five minutes as you are stuck behind a diesel puking behemoth for the greater part of your journey.
You will ride a telephone trail for two hours to then be disconnected. You will be trying to reach a person who works in the correct department of your credit card company to let them know that the payment you've made to your business account has been applied to your personal account.
You will arrive at your office to find the company books have freakishly rolled backwards six weeks in time. You will call the software company and receive a message that they are too busy to help you now.
You will call the College where your son will be attending in less than 2 months in order to determine how much deeper into debt you will be going this semester and the phone will ring continuously for thirty minutes before you give up and hang up.
You will remember at the last minute that you may not have made a company credit card payment online which is due this weekend and you attempt to log on and receive a message that they are experiencing a high volume of traffic on their site, please try again later.
Repeat after me: Ahhh-Ommm, Ahh-Oom
Mercury is really screwing with me, hope you are all remaining unaffected by this frustrating force of communications, travel and technology. Be safe. I am not coming back until it's over. . . well maybe not that long, who knows.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Family Reunion
Now that I am back, I still do not have time to talk about all of the things I wanted to. I set the lye to work(time to make soap), packed up the old dishes, cleaned up the new ones and set the table and placed a vase of blue Bachelor's buttons surrounded by large golden Black Eyed Susans in the center of the table.
When I was a kid I thought they were "Black-Guy Susans" and I remember throwing several tantrums as we drove along the freeway because my mother would not stop the car and let me pick them where they grew on the median strips.
She was such a bitch!
I packed my violin (afternoon lesson)and freed up the washing machine where a string got stuck in the spinning thing, somewhere in there I had a bath and got dressed and did my daily Taro reading.
Today will be a good day,we are leaving our old fears behind.
I drove to the office and I realized that I have not been here in seven days so I wont be able to talk about the reunion or the disturbing newsflash I caught a glimpse of on the CNN loop this morning.
I only have 3 minutes and I am a slow keyboarder, but I cannot go without saying this anyway.
Evidence was found that linked a woman who is currently in prison for murdering her boyfriend to the bombing murder of an Erie Pa. man in 2003. (Erie always seemed like an ominous place to me )
A pizza delivery man delivered a pizza, was robbed and somehow a bomb was placed around his neck like a necklace and he was shown sitting in front of a police car on the ground. Obviously the man was agitated and was said to have been screaming, "Get this thing off of me, it's going to blow"
The man exploded and the funny thing is-yep, here is something funny- The CNN gargoyle said that they now have reason to believe the man's story, that he did not put this bomb on himself. For what reason? To get attention? For Christ's sake! I do not recall hearing this story when it occurred, I could have done without hearing about it now. Why watch the news? What good does it do?
I could lead in to a family story here, about a relative who desperately needed a job so he put a wad of duct tape around his neck and walked into a car dealership demanding a job or he'd blow the place up, but I don't have time.
I could tell you about all the food, laughter, pranks, and booze and lots of funny children at the reunion but like I said-
Like good Southerners however, we did check in on Uncle Bobby. It was kind of him to put us up in his fine establishment. Could be worse, it could be Arlington Cemetery, right?
The sign reads: CLEAN ROOMS GOOD RATES CABLE
When I was a kid I thought they were "Black-Guy Susans" and I remember throwing several tantrums as we drove along the freeway because my mother would not stop the car and let me pick them where they grew on the median strips.
She was such a bitch!
I packed my violin (afternoon lesson)and freed up the washing machine where a string got stuck in the spinning thing, somewhere in there I had a bath and got dressed and did my daily Taro reading.
Today will be a good day,we are leaving our old fears behind.
I drove to the office and I realized that I have not been here in seven days so I wont be able to talk about the reunion or the disturbing newsflash I caught a glimpse of on the CNN loop this morning.
I only have 3 minutes and I am a slow keyboarder, but I cannot go without saying this anyway.
Evidence was found that linked a woman who is currently in prison for murdering her boyfriend to the bombing murder of an Erie Pa. man in 2003. (Erie always seemed like an ominous place to me )
A pizza delivery man delivered a pizza, was robbed and somehow a bomb was placed around his neck like a necklace and he was shown sitting in front of a police car on the ground. Obviously the man was agitated and was said to have been screaming, "Get this thing off of me, it's going to blow"
The man exploded and the funny thing is-yep, here is something funny- The CNN gargoyle said that they now have reason to believe the man's story, that he did not put this bomb on himself. For what reason? To get attention? For Christ's sake! I do not recall hearing this story when it occurred, I could have done without hearing about it now. Why watch the news? What good does it do?
I could lead in to a family story here, about a relative who desperately needed a job so he put a wad of duct tape around his neck and walked into a car dealership demanding a job or he'd blow the place up, but I don't have time.
I could tell you about all the food, laughter, pranks, and booze and lots of funny children at the reunion but like I said-
Like good Southerners however, we did check in on Uncle Bobby. It was kind of him to put us up in his fine establishment. Could be worse, it could be Arlington Cemetery, right?
The sign reads: CLEAN ROOMS GOOD RATES CABLE
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I'm Back
We've been at a family reunion in the southern part of the state for the past few days. While away I noticed I was hopelessly locked out of posting by an error code on Blogger.
Thank goodness for sons born after 1980. He fixed it, but now I just don't have time to say what I wanted to say.
How about this: I missed you all!
Thank goodness for sons born after 1980. He fixed it, but now I just don't have time to say what I wanted to say.
How about this: I missed you all!
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Itchy Bitsy Bikini
OK, yesterday was my 34th birthday and yes I have suffered from dyslexia for several years now and I might just be lying in case any of you are thinking about stealing my identity.
How could you really? I am not always sure who I am or why I am here so how could anyone else portray the forever Changling, me? How?
So for my happy birthday, Tate bought me a very large cabbage, serious, it's what I asked for. I got a few flowers and phone calls too but I didn't get the card with the check for ten dollars that I usually get on my birthday from my grandmother, because she was in the hospital having her gall bladder removed. They admitted her on her birthday, her 87th. I told her she needed to pick a better party spot, she agreed.
Last night I dreamed one of those terrifying flying over the snake infested swampy lawn but this time there were O-Possums too (GROSS). The snakes have been here alot lately and so have my murderous behavior dreams and I spare you all the details because whenever I tell my sons or Tate about them, they get a bit upset. I guess it is disturbing to hear about your mom or wife ripping someones testicles off with your bare hands in self defense and or slitting throats with razor blades over and over again. So I will spare you and suffer these realms on my own, don't worry it's fine.
I also dreamed that a family member discovered he had scabies. That is always disturbing. I awoke itching in a bikini line all across my waist and legs and it extends into my belly button and down my thighs.
Thank you Kramer for the Chigger Bikini, love it. Now, where did I put that stash of Benadryl?
I am out of town for a few days, like the majority of you. I will miss you. Back soon, have happy holidays(even if you , like me, do not believe we as a nation are very independent after all).
How could you really? I am not always sure who I am or why I am here so how could anyone else portray the forever Changling, me? How?
So for my happy birthday, Tate bought me a very large cabbage, serious, it's what I asked for. I got a few flowers and phone calls too but I didn't get the card with the check for ten dollars that I usually get on my birthday from my grandmother, because she was in the hospital having her gall bladder removed. They admitted her on her birthday, her 87th. I told her she needed to pick a better party spot, she agreed.
Last night I dreamed one of those terrifying flying over the snake infested swampy lawn but this time there were O-Possums too (GROSS). The snakes have been here alot lately and so have my murderous behavior dreams and I spare you all the details because whenever I tell my sons or Tate about them, they get a bit upset. I guess it is disturbing to hear about your mom or wife ripping someones testicles off with your bare hands in self defense and or slitting throats with razor blades over and over again. So I will spare you and suffer these realms on my own, don't worry it's fine.
I also dreamed that a family member discovered he had scabies. That is always disturbing. I awoke itching in a bikini line all across my waist and legs and it extends into my belly button and down my thighs.
Thank you Kramer for the Chigger Bikini, love it. Now, where did I put that stash of Benadryl?
I am out of town for a few days, like the majority of you. I will miss you. Back soon, have happy holidays(even if you , like me, do not believe we as a nation are very independent after all).
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Somebody Please Tell Me Why
Coming home last week, slow day, cramps and all over exhaustion.
Thinking about a glass or two of wine, a hot bath and going to sleep.
Tate rolling full steam ahead as usual, cutting grass, caring for equipment, preparing dinner. Tate grills on the deck nearly 350 days per year. I am not complaining, trust me, but I enter the house this tiresome evening and realize how rude of me it would be to not pitch in and do a few chores inside the house.
I take the Plow and Hearth compost bucket out to the compost pile, then dead -head a few flowers on the pathway back to the house.
When I get to the front door, ready for the bath, I look down at Kramer the Stink Terrier. Again, he has found something putrid to roll in.
Aggghh!!!
My job.
I whisk him to the outdoor tub and shampoo him twice. I leave him outside to dry and shake.
"I had to bathe him twice to get the stink out of him this time" I say.
"You're leaving him outside to dry? What if he rolls in whatever it is again ?" Tate asks me.
"Then I will leave him outside all damn night!"
Tate puts on his puzzled face, "How will he know why he is being punished and locked out all night?" (Kramer hates to stay outside without one of us outside with him)
"I will just lean out the door and TELL HIM WHY, THAT'S HOW" I reply with the utmost sincerity.
"Oh, I see. Things have been so much better around here since we took Kramer to those English classes haven't they?"
"Yep"
Thinking about a glass or two of wine, a hot bath and going to sleep.
Tate rolling full steam ahead as usual, cutting grass, caring for equipment, preparing dinner. Tate grills on the deck nearly 350 days per year. I am not complaining, trust me, but I enter the house this tiresome evening and realize how rude of me it would be to not pitch in and do a few chores inside the house.
I take the Plow and Hearth compost bucket out to the compost pile, then dead -head a few flowers on the pathway back to the house.
When I get to the front door, ready for the bath, I look down at Kramer the Stink Terrier. Again, he has found something putrid to roll in.
Aggghh!!!
My job.
I whisk him to the outdoor tub and shampoo him twice. I leave him outside to dry and shake.
"I had to bathe him twice to get the stink out of him this time" I say.
"You're leaving him outside to dry? What if he rolls in whatever it is again ?" Tate asks me.
"Then I will leave him outside all damn night!"
Tate puts on his puzzled face, "How will he know why he is being punished and locked out all night?" (Kramer hates to stay outside without one of us outside with him)
"I will just lean out the door and TELL HIM WHY, THAT'S HOW" I reply with the utmost sincerity.
"Oh, I see. Things have been so much better around here since we took Kramer to those English classes haven't they?"
"Yep"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
